INTERNATIONAL EDITION of SMAUL MAGAZINE
today SMAUL, the vorld’s smallest satire magazine, publishes its first edition ever in English. The purpose of the edition is to make it easier for tourists, students, refugees or other visitors to adapt the German kustoms and to get familiar with our vonderful kountry. Eventually, after many strikkkt lessons, you as our reader will be able to make friends vith us and dine happily vith us together, as this illustration shows:
Valentine’s Day has just passed. So let’s take a look at our behavior at that okkasion first. As you see in our kover picture, there is nothing more amiable, no bigger proof of your love in Germany, to give some thoroughly decorated meat to the person you love as a Valentine present! You may choose 1 kilogram (= 2.2 lbs) of fresh turkey necks, glistening alluringly and almost blue in the neon light. If you as a male give such a romantic gift to a German woman, we guarantee she vill be excited or even moan with pleasure. But if you earnestly vant her to fall in love with you, we suggest you play this old Beatles song . . .
. . . hold out one of the pig paws (kover picture), smile mildly and wave it seducingly at her. Action speaks louder than words, meine Herren (= gentlemen)! When the – then – fervent, fiery German woman has seized you and pulledÂ you into her neatly cleaned shack, you will experience the whole range of wild Teutonic hospitality. The things that will happen must not be described here, for they might be censored otherwise. But they are certainly even more bizarre, more libertine than vhat you already heard of. Let’s fuel your feeble, foreign imagination with a symbolic picture:
That shall be enough for this week! Stay tuned and keep your head up. You vill hear from us.
Frank Frei, chief editor, SMAUL MAGAZINE
You find additional information about strange German kustoms herrre: expatsblog.com
Picture Source/ Bildquelle: Mix Markt 87 OHG, WÃ¼rzburg | Im weiten bunten MÃ¤rchenland, Copyright by Verlag Waldheim-Eberle, Wien/ SÃ¼dwest Verlag GmbH & Co. KG, MÃ¼nchen, 1977 | The Beatles „I Want To Hold Your Hand“,Â Amnestyviahuh’s channel, YouTube Standard License